I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
