I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
