Rock
Scissors
Fuck
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
