i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
