I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i think i have herpe
just one?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
