there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
