i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
