Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
