drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
