Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I believe in your delicious
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
