I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
