glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
