its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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