I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
