farters have to be the big spoon...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
