totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
