Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I want her autograph on my taint
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
