my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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