She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
