a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
