I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
