Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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