The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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