it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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