Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
