I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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