pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
