How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
