God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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