I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need to align my fucking chakras
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
