i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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