does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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