I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
