is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
