Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
