bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
