I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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