I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
