I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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