Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
