Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
