Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
