My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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