That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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