i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
