Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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