she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
