i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
