if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
