wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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