I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
