i was born a porn star she said
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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