if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
